If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
