Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
