Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
