a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You made out with two different species that night
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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