I haven't been this sober since birth.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
