I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
