i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
