Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
