So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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