Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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