he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He passed out mid-signature
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
