and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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