apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize