I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
