go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
