After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
