I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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