I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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