If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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