I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
