Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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