The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
