What a fucking waste of an outfit
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
