She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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