I look better un-naked...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
