I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
