You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
