i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
