Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
