got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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