I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
