Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
