I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
