She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
