ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just want to make out with him forever
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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