Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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