So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
