Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
