I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
