just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
