My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
