you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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