I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
