Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
