This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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