he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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