bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
