Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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