why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Randomize
