Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
