Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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