i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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