I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
