Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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