i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
