college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
