I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
