a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize