Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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