"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
