the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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