I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
