Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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