Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize