those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
