Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
