Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
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