Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She told me I should be a condom model.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
